I’m writing a book and I could use your help

If we were in a room together, I imagine the conversation going something like this:

Me: I’m writing a book and I could use your help.

You: Wait, what? 

Me: Over the next several months, I will be writing a book about how we use private rituals to create positive transformation in our lives. The book will (probably) be titled “Reinventing Rituals…” I believe we all use private rituals to create transformative moments to make our lives more meaningful. If you look closely, you will see that these rituals happen on a daily basis and have a huge impact on us. 

In the book, I’ll cover the 11 Intentions of Ritual (the psychological and spiritual needs that all humans crave to lead a meaningful life) and the 5 Features of Ritual (the “special sauce” that makes rituals different from habits or ordinary actions). 

You: So an example of a “private ritual” would be ….?

Me: A private ritual might be: visiting a gravesite to talk to your loved one, selecting a specific coffee mug because it reminds you of someone or a favorite trip, driving back to your hometown to drive around and reminisce, telling “inside jokes” you have with your closest friends and family, reading a spiritual book each morning to find wisdom and perspective, etc. It may involve a traditional religious perspective, something more “new-age,” or something that doesn’t fit any of those descriptions. I’m not focusing on a specific religious or spiritual tradition. The most important thing for me is how people find their personal meaning in private rituals. 

You: You talk about death and grief a lot – is this going to be about sad stuff like that? 

Me: Nope. Well, not entirely. Although integrating loss is one of the 11 Intentions, this book will cover more than that including: healing, renewal, seeking wisdom, connection, creativity, legacy, beginnings, transitions, and more. We’ll talk about practices like pilgrimages, disconnected telephones, initiations, memento mori, the power of letters, threshold moments, mailboxes on remote beaches, personal talismans, Welcome to Wrexham (TV show), and much more.

You: And how exactly can I help?

Me: I’m going to be sharing most of the book on this blog over the next several months. If this topic interests you, I invite you to read along. If you feel compelled, please leave feedback on what you like, what you don’t, and what doesn’t make sense. 

You: Where did you get the idea of writing blog posts as you write the book? It seems like you would be doubling your work? And won’t people just read the free blog instead of buying the book?

Me: The idea to do it this way comes from Rob Fitzpatrick and his book: Write Useful Books. One of the primary ideas in Write Useful Books is that authors wait far too long to get feedback on their ideas. There are many different ways to get early feedback. I’ve chosen to write a blog and share sections of the book here. Other people have done this and they find that it does two important things: 1) They write a much more useful and well-regarded book, and 2) It helps sell more books. 

You: So, you want me to correct your grammar and spelling?

Me: No, not at all. Rob has convinced me that fine-tuning the grammar and details of the book should come last. If I’m worried about perfect writing, it blocks the flow of ideas. For non-fiction books, the ideas are more important than beautiful, perfect sentences. What I’m looking for at this point is your reaction, questions, and stories that come to mind after reading each blog post. This will help me see if I’m being clear, if my thoughts resonate with your life experiences, etc. 

You: Do I have to commit to something?

Me: Not at all. I hope some people will join me for this journey. But I also understand that you have a busy life. Feel free to read every post or check in once in a while (or never come back again). No worries. But I thought I would let you in on what the goal of this blog is and preemptively answer some questions you may have.

You: Do you already have a publisher? Do you hope to, as the kids say these days, “make bank” (get rich) on this book?

Me: I do not have a publisher; I expect to self-publish this book. I already have a book published by a “real” publisher. My editor was kind and helpful, but I didn’t love the process, etc. 

I’m primarily writing this book because this is a topic I’ve found fascinating for decades – probably ever since I read From Beginning to End: The Rituals of Our Lives by Robert Fulghum. As for monetization, I do not expect to get rich selling this book. I would like to use the book as a way to expand the range of topics that I speak about (i.e., conferences, keynotes, etc.). I will likely always talk about grief and loss, but there are some really interesting things about rituals that I’d like to explore and share. 

You: I may read along for a while … how do I know when you have written a new blog post? 

Me: You can follow along my personal Facebook page, my new Reinventing Ritual Facebook or Instagram accounts. I’ll post on there when I share something new and when the book is released. If you’ve read this far – thank you! I hope you’ll find something valuable as you walk with me on this journey.